Why Make Effort to ‘Work’ on Yourself And What is Fear of Success
May be you can’t afford not to. Maybe your dream is not your reality, and it bothers you. May be you thought you can settle for what you have, but now you’re kind of wandering. And you might be scared to make a mistake. Because you are projecting all the feeling you have inside on your outer world, may be you spouse (you are thinking, if only I had another man, then…), or you job (if only I knew my true purpose…).
You probably had done the traditional therapy.
My question to you would be
What is it you want? What is it that you want so badly?
Can you put your finger on it?
If not, I will ask you my next question:
what is it you don’t want?
And here women (and men) typically have a lot to say.
Great! We’ll be working from there.
I am not keen on those blind affirmation techniques, where you just keep repeating, I am living abundance. Most of the time they do more harm, than good. Why?
Because of the unspoken fears, insecurities and past experience are in direct conflict with what you are training yourself to be.
I think, training your brain is good. But you have to start at the right end.
And the right end is one that allows you to feel what you are saying.
One of my wonderful clients said to me at the end of our work: Lira, it was all about faith, wasn't it?
And it makes me so happy, to know, she realized that. Yes, it is about faith. But my approach to believing it is quite a bit different.
I don’t like asking my clients ‘Just do it”, or ‘Just believe it, will you!’
I don’t think it’s working for most of us. In our logic oriented world, with the beautiful intelligence that we have, request like this would be waisted.
Even I, myself a person, who was specifically educated and trained to use both logical and intuitive side of my brain, find a great satisfaction in knowing exactly how miracles work. I love seeing the evidence!
I love providing the evidence of living with faith to my clients.
My clients love seeing the proof. They know the score! They had kept the Evidence Journal from the very first time we met and most of them keep going way after they finished with me. It just boost your confidence, knowing YOU had created all this.
My work in a way, is to get you to act from inspiration and conviction. Not just do things. But create what matter.
Who doesn’t want to create what matter?
You want to be significant? Do you want to feel safe? Do you want to live free of fear? What is that fear? Being abandoned, being judged, being wrong?
Do you want instead to be loved, truly loved? Feel confident? Trust yourself?
Can you really tell me, if you had a choice to be all that, you would take another way?
You know what? Sadly, so many do. So many women take the path of least confrontation and keep pushing themselves into the corner.
Mostly because of yet another fear. Fear of Success. Yep. How trivial, right?
Fear of Success
First time I came across this concept was when I called a psychic.
Let’s just say, for me to call a psychic was a big deal. I don’t do psychics normally. That was my first and only time. Through the years of spiritual exercise I pretty much mastered at least my own future visioning (something I teach my clients to do that, too), and I normally don’t ask for assistance. But this time I felt something HUGE was coming. I had several dreams and signs indicating a big change that involved not just me, but all my family. So I wanted some reassurance before acting on what I felt was right.
I felt a bit funny making an appointment for myself, so I made an excuse and booked my husband to have a reading first. We’ll make a night out of it, I thought. It’ll be fun, I can do research for the book I was writing (one of the characters was a fortuneteller, and I’d never seen one). However the place was closed, and instead they offered a phone reading. I was growing impatient, so I booked one for myself, to check it out before offering it to my hubby as a birthday gift.
So the guy did the card thing. And then he just explained about one particular image he saw. ‘You have a fear of success.’ Boom, what’s that?
Anyway, he told me many amazing things, and I made sure they happened. Lets’ just put it this way :-)
So my left brain was itching to find out what exactly the fear of success means. So I dedicated some months and now years to that research. Cool stuff… The bottom-line is, most of us have it.
That’s already nice to know. It’s not like you are the only one.
Another thing, it’s manageable. There are ways to turn any fear into anticipation and excitement about your prospects.
And one last thing I say here is, it is inevitable!
Every time you thrive to grow, upgrade yourself, reach for the stars, even reach for a slightly better anything, you’ll come across it.
You feel comfortable in what you are, safe and most of the time assured. Anything above or farther is the UNKNOWN. There’s no guaranty.
I mean, there is a firm guaranty that you will succeed if you put in enough effort and stuff. That’s not what I’m talking about.
There’s no guaranty your life will not change. In fact, it’s probably very likely, that your life will change. And that includes, people, life-style, the way you look, talk and walk. And how do you think you’ll be received then? No one knows.
Who are Those People Who Live
with Fear of Success?
Most people, and you can recognize them by their general ‘realistic-borderline-negative’ attitude project their own past experiences into the future. Unfortunately they rob themselves of the actual reality of the whole 50% chance that their future might be bright and shiny.
Now, as a therapist I can very quickly justify that attitude by their upbringing. We form our outlook before we reach 5, and some argue, before our first 10 months of living. Yes, that is how severe this programming is. And I am sorry about that. Even with the most wonderful and well-meaning parents a little child grows up with a fear of BIG and POWERFUL, simply, because of his/her size. And we carry that with us. Yes, believe it or not, doesn’t matter, how intelligent you are, or how advanced, you are keeping that little scared Child inside until you die.
On the positive note, that Inner Child is also bringing you a lot of joy. It is actually the Child in you that really wants to try all those new UNKNOWN things, it’s the one, who is creative and brave and curious enough to precede.
So the most logical and rational thing is to attend to that Child of yours, right?
So, a lot of times that is what I do. I become the best Parent for your Inner Child. I love it. I care for it. I teach it how to Love and Care for itself.
What I Do For My Dear Clients Who Fear Their Success. Could That Be You?
I DESIGN AN EXPERIENCE FOR YOU!
I’ll be walking you through the feelings you had put aside safely for whatever reason.
I will explain what’s and why’s of the process.
You will take away an effective tool to help you recreate the same intensity of a breakthrough on your own.
You likely to treasure that experience as particularly powerful and forward-moving in your life.
Expect the unexpected. Make an intention to open up to possibilities, expand your view of life, yourself and the world around you.
Some of the themes my clients had enjoyed:
Discovering and loving your Inner Child (Embracing, healing and growing your sub-personalities)
Switching from left to right (from Thinker to Feeler, referring to Myers–Briggs Type Indicator)
Future Visioning (Stepping into the River of Time and coming out on the other side)
Meeting Your Ancestors to end a Soul Contract and receive blessings to move forward libarated and inspired.
If you can recognize yourslef in Who are Those People..., don't be shy or ashamed. Like I said we are all there, had been or will be one day. Instead, let's connect, have a chat about it and make clear what can you do about it, and how I can help. And I can help you for sure. That is my job.
Lira Kay an author, life coach and a founder of She's Got Passion and the School of Inspired Life a training center for purpose-driven professionals to find information and inspiration to stay on their mission to create a meaningful change in the world. Every Wednesday Lira answers one question she 's been asked by a member of her audience around the globe. If you have a question, please, go to CONTACT and send Lira your question. She will create a post to answer it or will send you a personal answer in the email. Know, that your question will help many others to find clarity and motivation. We are all connected and your input is important. Thank you.